Here is the good news—Being a husband is not about how far we have come but how far Jesus went to enable, empower, and ensure that, though imperfect, we can be God-exalting husbands. Below is an outline summary of the sermon for your further study and deeper reflection.

SERIES: The Final Word
TEXT: Ephesians 5:25-33
TITLE:   It’s Not About Your Marriage
PREACHER: Derek Overstreet
BIG IDEA: Husbands, and future husbands, your role doesn’t begin with a ring at the altar; it begins with Jesus atoning sacrifice on the cross.

POINTS:
1. A Sacrificial Love
2. A Purposeful Love

SERMON EXCERPTS:
All quotes are taken from the pastor’s notes.
”We have spent the last two Sundays in Genesis 2 learning marriage is designed by God to be a life-long commitment between a man who lovingly leads and a woman who joyfully follows as her husband’s helpmate. Sin has made that hard (Genesis 3:16). Instead of leading in love, the husband’s inclination is to dominate his wife. Instead of a joyfully submitted helpmate, the wife now wants to rule over her husband. And the result is a sky-high divorce rate, adultery as the norm, crushing spousal abuse, and lovers turned roommates. That’s just in the church! What’s the answer? …we have to get our eyes off the latest five steps to a better marriage, off love languages, off romantic idealism, off the idol of self-fulfillment, and back on Jesus.” 

“Marriage is vertical before it’s horizontal. It’s about you and Jesus before it’s about you and your spouse. It’s about the gospel. Marriage is a relational context meant be a living parable of Christ and the church.”

“…before we even have time to think about it looks like to love your wife, Paul says, get your eyes of yourself and LOOK UP.”

“A husband’s love for his wife is not culturally defined, experientially defined, or traditionally defined. It is Christologically defined. God wants your holy duty as husbands to be informed, motivated, and shaped by Jesus’ love for sinners beginning with the cross.”

“No one made him do it. It’s not something he deserved. Yet, submitting to his Father’s will to the praise of his glory, Jesus took the initiative and gave, not simply what he had—he gave himself.“

“This daily sacrifice involves a willingness to see your wife, a co-heir in Christ as more important than yourself, as well as a readiness to lay down all you hold dear to care for her. This daily sacrifice is about living with our wives in an understanding way, even when she refuses to do the same with you. We don’t lead and love our wives this way because they’ve earned it. If Jesus is our model, Jesus didn’t make us earn his love. He loved us when we were unlovable and he continues to love us despite our unlovability.”

“Husbands, and future husbands, your role doesn’t begin with a ring at the altar—it begins with Jesus atoning sacrifice on the cross.”

“We all know the saying—Happy wife makes a happy life. While there may be some truth to that, our call as husbands is to be concerned, not primarily for her short-term happiness, but for her long term holiness and ever-increasing satisfaction and joy in Jesus. There is no greater way we can lead our wives.” 

“Listen, as husbands, we do not, we cannot sanctify and cleanse our wives of their sin. It’s not us who presents our wives in splendor before the throne of God above. Jesus alone can and does do that. But we are called to lead, encourage, promote, and spur them on in holiness. As God’s primary instrument of grace in our wives spiritual lives, we are to be purposeful in this calling.”

“Men, we need heavenly help for our holy duty. And God gives it. He made us new in Jesus. He fills us with His Spirit. He stands by His promises to give us all things we need for life and godliness. And as we will see next week, He gives us wives, the perfect helpmates who, with their wisdom, love, and own obedience, help us grow in being the husbands God has called us to be.”

ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURE:
Galatians 2:20
1 John 3:16
1 Peter 3:7
Philippians 2:3-4
Romans 5
John 17:17

QUOTES:
Martyn Lloyd-Jones - “We must start by studying the relationship between Christ and the church, and then, and then only, can we look at the relationship between the husband and wife.”

Gary Ricucci - “The role of a husband doesn’t begin at the altar…it begins at the cross.”

Larry McCall - “A husband who would love his wife as Christ also loved the church will begin by understanding that his love is a choice, made in spite of (not because of) his wife’s actions, attitudes or appearance.”

Gary Ricucci - “Our role originates in the gospel, is empowered by the gospel, and is perfected through the gospel. We can love and lead our wives because our Savior, Jesus Christ, loved us, gave himself up for us, and leads us each day in mercy and grace.”

APPLICATION:
Redemptive Questions for Husbands (taken from “Love That Lasts” by Gary and Betsy Ricucci):
- Do I faithfully pray for her, that Jesus Christ might be glorified in her and that she might know his love and grace?
- Do I love her enough to confront and correct her sin, especially recurrent patterns of sin, and then patiently and consistently lead her into fruitful and liberating repentance?
- Do I wash her with the Water of God’s Word (Ephesians 5:25-27), or do I compromise her growth in godliness because my pride, selfishness, or fear keeps me from this God-given responsibility?
- Do I lead her into active involvement and service in our local church?
- Do I constantly remind her of the gospel of grace and of God’s active goodness on our behalf?

Lord, use this text to make us more amazed at you while feeling more desperate for and dependent on you.